Tips and tools to boost your professional confidence

At our 2019 Women Returners 'Back to Your Future' Conference last month, Anna Johnstone, senior coach at Women Returners, led a session on how to boost professional confidence. Here are some takeouts from that session.

One of the recurring themes we see when we coach returners is lack of professional confidence. The women we work with may be very confident in their personal life, but often doubt their self-worth when it comes to returning to the workplace. They may think "What have I got to offer? Will I be able to do the job? What value can I add? Will an employer even want to hire me?" We hear these doubts again and again.

Our senior coach, Anna Johnstone, focussed on tackling a lack of professional confidence head on at our recent Conference by focussing on three key areas - 1) internal feelings of worth and self-belief,  2) outer confidence - your gravitas, the impact that you have, and 3) reframing confidence as courage.

1) Inner confidence - feelings of worth and self-belief

Some people refer to self-belief as having backbone. But Anna says that improving your self-belief is a bit like strengthening the muscles around your backbone which may have become a little weak during a career break. Self-doubt - your inner critic or gremlin - may be telling you that you've lost your skills, you're too old or that you'll never get back up to speed with technology. 
Here are Anna's tips for dealing with your inner critic and boosting your self-belief:

• Try reframing the way you think. Instead of thinking, for example, "I will never get back up to speed" say to yourself - "my inner critic is telling me I will never get back up to speed"
• This is a subtle, but effective, change which will make you question negative assumptions. It may also bring out the fight in you so that you think "someone is telling me that I'm not going to get back up to speed - but I am going to get back up to speed."
• Remember that you also have another internal voice - your inner mentor. This is the voice of someone who cares about you - it's calm, kind and supportive. Learn to listen to this voice and to dial it up so that it becomes louder than your inner critic
• Remind yourself of the things you are good at - it's a great way to boost self-belief. Remember that you have a wealth of skills and experience developed throughout your career and your career break - write these down and practise saying them out loud

2) Outer confidence - how do you act more confident even if you have doubts on the inside?

• Think about your body - if you change how you sit and stand this will change the way you think. For example, putting your feet firmly on the ground so that you feel solid can really help if you’re about to go into a situation that makes you feel stressed
• Roll back and lower your shoulders. This will take the tension out of your shoulders and allow you to breathe better 
• Breathe deeply from your diaphragm - in through your nose, out through your mouth - five times. This will help dissipate doubts and anxieties and strengthen your voice - particularly important just before an interview!
• Watch Amy Cuddy's Power Pose TEDTalk - and practise 'power posing'  every morning and before facing any situation you find stressful
• If you hear yourself speaking quickly make a conscious effort to slow down. People will hear more of what you say and speaking slower has the added bonus of giving you more time to think
• Feel more confident at interviews and meetings by wearing something that makes you feel good about yourself and gives you a boost

3) Reframe confidence as courage

• The problem with thinking "if only I had more confidence I would send this email, apply for that role, phone my contact etc" is that you end up waiting to feel more confident, which can stop you from taking action
• Instead of focusing on having more confidence, try focusing on having more courage
• Courage is when you decide to do something difficult even though you may have doubts, even though you feel afraid
• Courage is a much more positive word - aim to dial your courage up a notch to help you to take action despite your self-doubts.

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8 Tips for Confident Communication when Returning to Work

This week's guest blog is by Sophie Clark from Denison Clark

Communicating with confidence and impact consistently in meetings, on conference calls and during presentations can be a challenge when returning to work.  As a workplace communication expert I help people to build their confidence, polish their skills and avoid some the common pitfalls when speaking. I have put together 8 tips and tricks to remind you how to communicate with greater impact when returning to work.

Give me time to think

Speaking too fast is a credibility disaster. Pause. All the time. Break up what you’re saying. If you speak how I am writing now, if you pause often, it’s the cheapest trick in the book to look calm and authoritative. Yes, it really is that simple. Watch Condoleezza Rice to see it done well and steer clear of Tony Blair’s pausing style.

Audience first

There are people who say 93% of your message is body language and voice. This has been taken out of context for years. Getting your content right is critical and so stop naval gazing and first think about your audience. Lead with why your audience should listen to you? What should they know? How will it impact them? What do you want them to do?

Please don't put on a ‘show’

We are often told to “fake it till you make it”, but this advice is better targeted when taking on a new role, not with your communication style. News flash - you are most likable when you are your warm, authentic, natural and professional self. I spend my life removing the masks from my female clients, so don't wear a mask thinking it will help you appear more confident when you speak. Pretending to be someone you’re not is not only exhausting but it makes it harder for others to trust you.

Power pose

This term was coined from Harvard professor, Amy Cuddy. If you don’t know who she is, take 20 mins and watch her 35 million times viewed TED talk. Taking time to make yourself ‘big’ before you speak has been scientifically proven to reduce cortisol (the stress hormone) and increase testosterone (the confidence hormone). This uses your body’s natural hormones rather than play acting being someone else. If you haven't watched this talk I cannot recommend it highly enough. Find a spare board room or empty bathroom and ‘wonder woman’ your way back in.

Put your hands up

Put your hands (and forearms) on the table in meetings if you want more presence. If your comfort zone is to place them in your lap, then please, change your comfort zone! This matters particularly for women. 70% of my female clients show this behaviour and it can make them look small and under confident. Only about 5% of my male clients do this and the perception difference is huge.

Practice how you introduce yourself

Humans judge each other. Naturally, sub consciously, all the time. You will likely have an opinion of The Queen, Barack Obama and Sheryl Sandberg even though you may not have met them. I've met returning colleagues who have said "Hi, I'm Alex. I'm back after maternity leave and am working 3 days a week now". What I take away is the external side of Alex’s life and their working hours. What I am missing is what is Alex is doing in her role and what impact that is having to the firm. E.g. "Hi, I'm Alex. I'm back after maternity leave and I’m working mainly on X project X for Y client." There's nothing wrong with talking about your time out or your children, but be careful if that's what you lead with or the only thing I know about you.

Speak up and be counted

Perhaps your comfort zone is to sit, watch and participate later, particularly as you catch up and build confidence back. Whilst no one likes the over talker in a meeting, be aware that repeatedly saying nothing can be career damaging. A sage piece of advice I was once given was by a senior female investment banker who said "don't speak unless you have something worth saying, but don't let people judge your silence as a distinct lack of interest or ability".

And finally..  stop the negative chatter in your head

Internal communication matters just as much. Mentally, many of us have “obnoxious roommates in your heads” as Ariana Huffington calls them. Voices who say – you’re not good enough/ you’re brain’s been a little mushy since the baby/ technology has moved on so quickly/ people are going to know I’ve lost my edge/ I can’t give it the time it deserves…. I even had clients who refer to themselves as “has-beens’”. You have the power to stop these thoughts, especially if they are not helping you. If this is happening, it’s time to get some control back and park them.

Good luck. Power pose. Pause. Think about your audience and please be your authentic, polished true self.

About Sophie

Sophie is a communication expert at Denison Clark. She coaches small groups and individuals to speak with more confidence, clarity and impact across their work conversations and presentations. 

  

Body Language -The two minute route to self-confidence

Amy Cuddy, 2012

When I work with women feeling nervous before a major event, such as their first interview in ten years, I give them an instant self-assurance tip that is often met with a look of incredulity. I recommend that they find a quiet place just before the event and make a 'Power Pose' - taking a Wonder Woman stance or adopting the 'starfish' pose which Mick Jagger is modelling so effectively in the photo above. This sounds like the type of 'too-good-to-be-true' advice that could give psychologists a bad name, but in fact it is based on a convincing body of research evidence. 

Amy Cuddy, a Harvard social psychologist, explained in a wonderful 2012 TED talk* how "making yourself big" for just two minutes changes the brain in ways that reduce anxiety, build courage and inspire self-expression and leadership. Changing our body language effectively changes the way we think and feel about ourselves. If you're interested in the science, lab studies found that a two minute power pose increased the levels of the power chemical testosterone by around 20% and lowered the stress hormone cortisol by about 20%. What's more, this has a knock-on effect on how we behave, how we are seen by others and the likelihood of positive outcomes. In another study Professor Cuddy reported that people who adopted high-power poses before interviews were overwhelmingly more likely to be offered the job by impartial interviewers.

Recently I followed my own advice. My nerves kicked in before my first time on national radio, appearing on BBC Radio 4's Woman's Hour** to discuss returnships with Jenni Murray, Julie Thornton (Head of HR at Thames Tideway Tunnel) and Carmen Nuzzo, who joined Morgan Stanley in a permanent role following their 2014 Return to Work programme. So if you had walked into the ladies' toilets in a cafe down the road from Broadcasting House at 9.18am that day, you might have been surprised to see a blonde middle-aged woman in a green jacket striking a full-on hands-on-hips legs-wide Wonder Woman pose ... and now I can personally vouch for the benefits!

* Amy Cuddy's TED talk
**Woman's Hour feature on returnships (07:53 minutes into programme, 10 mins long)

Posted by Julianne Miles