Wednesday, 4 September 2013

Shall I return to work or not? Ambivalence and transitions


Back to school and back to blogging... During the last few weeks of the summer holidays I've felt a real pull between wanting to enjoy the good weather and to spend relaxed time with my teenage children, and the desire to get my mind focused on work again. It reminded me of the conflicting feelings I experienced when I was moving back into work after my career break. I knew that I wanted to start a new career, but I was worried about the complications and possible stresses of being a working mother. 

For many women returners, this uncertainty can keep us awake at 4am, inwardly debating pros and cons and never coming to a clear-cut conclusion. Because we feel ambivalent, we question whether it is the right decision. As one of my coaching clients asked me recently: "I keep having nagging worries about going back to work, so does that means it's not the right thing to do?" 

Coping with ambivalence and transition

William Bridges, who has been researching life transitions since the 1970's, reassures us that few changes are universally positive, "letting go [of our old life] is at best an ambiguous experience". So just because you feel confused and unsettled, it doesn't mean that you are making the wrong choice. Bridges explains that when we make a change in our lives we go through a transition period of psychological readjustment, when up-and-down emotions are completely natural. If we anticipate this unsettled period, we are less likely to retreat back to our comfort zone without even exploring the alternatives.

Be both rational and intuitive

If you're stuck endlessly debating rational pros & cons of returning to work, it can help to use your more intuitive side. Imagine yourself at 70, looking back on yourself today. Is your 70 year old self sympathetic or impatient with your current indecisiveness? What advice would your future self give you? Would she encourage you to make a change and relaunch into the workplace now or to wait a while longer or maybe to make other changes to your life? 

Has anyone felt 100% certain that going back to work was the right decision?

Posted by Julianne





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