Anticipating the empty nest

Last month my youngest child turned 18 and I suddenly found myself in the position of being a parent of two adults. While this has been a long-anticipated state, my focus has been on my daughter's multiple celebrations not what her new adult status meant for me. Now, as she prepares to follow her brother to university next year, I am finally contemplating my empty nest.

In reality, I've been preparing myself for this stage since my children were born. Indeed, it was the fear of facing the prospect of an empty nest which ultimately propelled me into action with returning to my career, along with my desire to make a difference to society in some tangible way. When I retrained as an executive coach eleven years ago, I didn't have a clear idea of where I would be going with my new qualification or how I would rebuild my career. But I was clear that I wanted to be engaged in work where I could lay foundations for a time when I would be freer to focus more on my own work than my family responsibilities.

My return to work was small scale at first. I was content to work with just a few clients and to continue to put the majority of my energy and focus into my family. As I gained experience (and with it confidence in my abilities) and my children grew up, I actively sought more clients and even accepted the occasional overseas assignment. Self-employment allowed me to forge a new career while retaining the parental role I wished to have. At the same time, it hasn't always been easy and I had plenty of self-doubts along the way. The next major step I took in building up my work role was co-founding Women Returners, which has unintentionally provided another buffer to the empty nest effect. Our business and network are rapidly expanding, with the time and energy commitment that entails, as my involvement with my children's lives is decreasing. 

If you're also motivated to return to work by the looming prospect of the empty nest, the good news is that there are many more routes back to work than existed even 10 years ago, with the arrival of returnships and our innovative supported hiring approach. Companies and government are also acknowledging that returners are a neglected population who have skills, training and experience which are valuable. If you are seeking ideas and inspiration for how to return to work before your children fly the nest, take a look at the success stories on our website and the blog posts in our advice section.

Posted by Katerina

Are you getting enough support with your return to work?

I recently delivered my eldest child to university and have experienced my first taste of the empty nest.  During the long drive there and back, I was thinking over my child’s 18 years and the many transitions we have both gone through.  Two of those are relevant here: becoming a mother for the first time and returning to work after an eight year break.  I noticed how differently I prepared for and experienced these two events.

First-time mother

As I expect is true for many of you, the months before my child was born were filled with hours of preparation and planning for both me and sometimes my husband.  We read books and magazines, joined ante-natal classes and the NCT, attended yoga sessions and engaged a team of experts to support us: GP, midwife and even a water-birth guru!  And we were lucky enough to have grandparents and friends to advise and guide us.  Is any of this sounding familiar?

The result was we felt as informed and confident as we could be about the transition to this new phase of our lives.

Return-to-work mother

The contrast with my return to work could hardly be greater.  My husband was barely available because of the demands of his career (and, to be fair, I probably didn't ask for enough).  There were few books, classes, workshops or experts to consult.  The grandparents were gone and friends had either not stopped working or weren't ready to think about returning.  It is not really surprising that I found my return to work so lonely and at times felt it was all too difficult.

I wonder if this experience too strikes a chord as you think about your own return.  I think that the lessons are clear.  Returning to work after a career break requires preparation, all-round support and guidance in the same way as becoming a mother did. You need both practical and emotional support through the transition and any ambivalence you are feeling.  We are making it really hard on ourselves if we think we can (or should) do it alone.

These days there are a few more sources for women returners to turn to, (including this blog).  We've listed all that we've found on our website and would love to hear where else you have found inspiration and support.

Posted by Katerina