Regain your (email) identity

Amir ... RichardYoung@ ... Sarah & Simon ... TheJohnsons@ ...

These are all variations on email names and addresses which have recently shown up in my womenreturners.com inbox. Stay-at-home dads looking to get back to work? Emails from friends? No, all of these messages were from professional women wanting advice about returning to work. 

What's in a name?

It sounds like a small thing, but don't underestimate what your email name and address say about you. An email is often your first point of contact in your job exploration, be it for a networking connection or a recruitment application. In the same way as recent research* has found that you're less likely to appear hirable to recruiters if you have a funny or informal email address, using a family, joint or husband's mail name/address can affect how people see you. Your electronic identity risks labeling you as a mum or wife, with all the accompanying stereotypes, rather than the giving credible professional image you want to convey. 

There is also something symbolic about setting up a personal email address for your back-to-work communications. If you're at home looking after your family, it's easy to lose sight of yourself while you're caring for others and being someone's mum/daughter. This is one simple way to start regaining your own independent identity.

How to create a professional email identity

1. If you only have a family or joint email, set up a personal one - it's a 5 minute task using a provider such as hotmail or google mail.
2. Make sure that your work email address is a formal one, ideally some variation on your full name (eg. jane.price@xx.com).
3. Use the name you'll be using for work and on your CV. Be consistent - don't make your email your family name if you'll be using your maiden name.
4. Whether it's a new or an existing address, check how your email name appears when it's received. You can see this by sending a test email. Make sure it's your full name that comes up & if not change the user name in your email settings.
5. And, of course, make sure you add the new address to Outlook, your phone and anywhere else you monitor emails so you can easily monitor and promptly reply to all your work-related emails.  

* Research from VU University Amsterdam in Cyberpsychology, Behavior & Social Networking journal


Related posts on the psychological side of regaining your identity
Reconnecting with your professional self
Who am I anyway?


Posted by Julianne

Returning to work after international relocation: culture, language and identity

Returning to work after a career break is challenging enough in itself. I know from my own experience of living in 4 countries in 30 years that when you are from a different country, you face a range of additional complexities, some being connected to culture, language and identity. The more you can gain clarity on these issues, the easier it becomes to turn these cultural and language differences to your benefit when returning to work.

Culture

Having spent most of my adult life in various countries outside my home nation, I feel that clichés and stereotypes, although unfortunate, cannot be ignored from either side. For instance, one of my English colleagues shared with me as I arrived in the UK, that French people are perceived here as arrogant. Although it was a shock to me, as I would have never perceived us French as arrogant, it helped me understand what image we can give in the UK. So it will be useful to you to understand how locals perceive your culture, as much as what you truly think of those living in your host country.

Practical tips: if you are new to the country, take every opportunity to attend workshops on cultural differences. If you have been around for a while do investigate sensitively how your culture is seen locally, reflect on how you experience your own culture for yourself; and be open to conversations about cultural differences.

Language

If English is not your first language and you are reading this, your language skills are already strong.  If you are relocating to a country and you do not speak the local language, there is only one single piece of advice: it’s worth putting in the effort needed to learn that language. It could take time for you to feel confident so if need be, make this learning quite formal and put in the resources (group or private lessons, intense homework etc).

Trying to return to work when you do not speak the local language is a challenge. However I understand that in some cases, language structures and sounds are so different from what you are used to (e.g. for a European moving to China or Japan), that the effort might just be too much to take on. In such cases, my advice is to improve your English (if it is not your first language) and to look for opportunities in multinational companies or ways to offer your services to the expat community.

Identity

This is a wider topic than just culture and language. But there is a connection. If as a ‘trailing spouse’, you had to reluctantly give up a professional career, you are likely to have had your identity shaken in various ways at the same time: cultural, personal and professional. You will have experienced some loss and will need to recreate a balance and to invent a fulfilled new you.  Take action to create a satisfying life for yourself or you risk building resentment against your partner.

Practical tips: spending time acknowledging what is going on for you and what you need to create a balanced life is not wasted time: it is building precious self-awareness.  Sharing how you feel helps others understand you while asking for advice from those who have been there before you helps you realise that “it’s not you, it is the situation”. Getting support could be your best next step, whether through a buddy, a social network or a professional such as a coach.

If you pay attention to all three areas, culture, language and identity, as you investigate your return to work options, it will make your choices clearer and your decisions easier.

Post by Claire d’Aboville, a Women Returners associate, a multi-lingual and multi-cultural Executive Coach and founder of Partners in Coaching http://partnersincoaching.com/Welcome.html

Re-connecting with your professional self

One of our top tips for returners is to remember that you are the same professional person you always were, you are just out of practice.

Why do we need to be reminded of this?

There are many reasons why, when we take a break from our career, we can develop a diminished view of ourselves from the one we held when we were working. In the mix are:

• a change in priorities (our career is no longer our sole focus and might not be as important as it once was)
• a shift in identity (taking a long break, especially when it involves taking on new responsibilities, changes our daily activities, what we think about and talk about)
• refocusing of values (where we once valued position, responsibility and status, for example, we might now be more concerned with creating strong family relationships or working for a purpose).  

All these changes can mean that we no longer recognise the previous professional version of our self, or doubt whether we can be like her again.

Remind yourself of the professional you were

Even if your perspective and priorities have changed in the years you've been away from your career, the things you accomplished during your career and the skills you gained have not. You are still the person who built strong client relationships, managed a team, delivered complex projects, won sales pitches and gained qualifications.  These experiences are still part of you and you still have those skills and abilities even if you haven't used them (professionally) for a while.

You may find it hard to recognise and value your former self because the work you did before didn't fully fit you at the time. Maybe that professional identity felt false. Even so, you still achieved and gained experiences which you can take forward into a new role that will feel more authentic.

Regain your professional self

This is a really important step to take as you plan for your return to work.  It will help with developing your self-belief (if you need it) and will provide content for your CV, LinkedIn profile and your interview answers.

• Reflect on what you consider your career highlights and think about what qualities you exhibited. Are those qualities still part of who you are today?
• Talk to former work colleagues, who remember you as the professional you were, and ask them for some feedback on what they saw you doing well or admired about you.
• Practice your career story, starting with your professional background and expertise rather than your career break
• Find a project or volunteer position which allows you to refresh your skills (see Think Small and Routes back to Work posts). 
• Subscribe to the industry journals you used to read and join on-line forums which are relevant.
• (Re)join professional networks and attend relevant conferences.
• Take refresher courses in your area of interest or expertise.

If you are still finding it difficult to re-connect with your professional self, then you might like to consider working with another returner or a career coach to give you the boost you need.

Posted by Katerina - Co-founder Women Returners

Who am I anyway?

Many clients arrive at our first meeting with the same concern: they have lost touch with their professional identity and are only able to view themselves as partners or mothers.  Thoughts such as ‘I can’t do those things anymore’, ‘I don’t recognise my old self’, and ‘I’m not the person I used to be’ are regularly voiced.  For some women, the loss of identity is compounded by not having felt fully themselves in their professional life.  If your previous working identity has felt ‘fake’, then it is even harder to work out how you might wish to express yourself professionally in the future.  Other women recognise that their former working identity doesn’t fit with the life they now want to lead and are unclear how to create the new self.

According to findings from Dr Lynne Millward Purvis, women – particularly working women – undergo three ‘identity shifts’ when they become mothers. Before giving birth, we begin to feel increasingly invisible and undervalued as we prepare to go on maternity leave. After giving birth, we are forced to acquire a ‘mother identity’, which causes our goalposts to move. And if we return to work, we find we need to redouble our efforts as we seek to revalidate ourselves, both as employees and as mothers.  (Dr Lynne Millward Purvis, The Transition to Motherhood in an Organizational Context). Those of us who take an extended career break miss this opportunity to revalidate ourselves as professionals and as mothers within the familiar context of our former role.

Often the loss of the professional identity is expressed as a loss of confidence.  Indeed, recent research of 2000 women by the Association of Accounting Technicians (The Times, April 17, 2013) has indicated that women on maternity leave lose confidence after eleven months absence from the workplace.  So is it really surprising that women who take an extended break will lose their confidence?  (See post Where’s my confidence gone? for ideas on how to regain confidence). 

My own experience of identity and confidence loss occurred when I arrived in my office after my honeymoon, to learn that my position had been made redundant.  Suddenly, I found myself with no professional identity, an unfamiliar surname and living in a new home that didn't feel like mine.  It took me some months to find myself again and re-create my new, married, professional identity.

The process for regaining or re-crafting your professional identity involves reconnecting with your real interests and your values and articulating your skills and experience (even from long ago).  It is ultimately a rewarding experience as the emergence of a new professional identity is inextricably accompanied by a growing self-confidence.  Remember that you have already successfully changed identity at other points in your life (eg when you first started work or when took your break) even though that might have felt daunting at the time.  You will be able to do it again if you allow yourself time to adjust.

Posted by Katerina - co-founder of Women Returners